Faith loves. Faith does.

As our first day working with Loving Arms began, I could barely contain my excitement. With every mile closer to Parramos, that excitement grew. Making our way through the roads and tricky turns from Antigua, I felt like I was returning home after being gone on a long vacation. When we reached the Central Park of Parramos, it hit me that God did not have to bring me here for these next weeks. He could have literally chosen anyone on this planet to take my place here. Only because of his grace and love for me does He allow me to partake in this adventure.

Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” When I really think about the words of this verse, I am completely overwhelmed… God chose me for this adventure. He chose me to stumble over my (lack of) Spanish as I attempt to teach four year olds English. He chose me to step completely out of my comfort zone and into the villages of Guatemala. He chose me to become the “madrina” (godmother, what the sponsored children call their sponsors) of a little boy in the small village of Chitaburuy. And through all of these things, He has chosen to bless me with a life I could have never thought up on my own.

Our day began in the school of Parraxaj. We taught English Lessons to three different age groups. Since it was the first day, it was a day of adjusting to the English proficiency of each age group. The children at Parraxaj are loving and kind. They are eager to learn, and even though I unfortunately cannot understand them, I can tell that they have very distinct personalities. Knowing that most of them may never have the educational opportunities I’ve been given breaks my heart.

After our three short English lessons, we packed 120 bags of food for the distributions that will occur later in the week. Last summer, I had the privilege of participating in a food distribution. It was truly an experience I will never forget, as the children and mothers were so thankful for the simple bag they were given which contained a bag of sugar, two packets of soup, a stick of butter, two different types of noodles, a bag of oats, a protein drink mix, and a few more items.

When all the bags of food were packed, we were able to participate in a task very, very close to my heart. For close to a year now, I have sponsored a little boy in Chitaburuy, Emerson. After working in his school for a week last summer, I fell in love with his sense of humor and his obviously fierce love of life. When I found out at the end of the week that Emerson had no sponsor, God immediately drew me to him. Since then, I have seen him one other time over Christmas, when I had the opportunity to take him a Christmas present, as I was serving for a week in another city in Guatemala.

After my Christmas visit, I knew I needed to give more to this little boy and his family, as he has blessed me so much by his immense gratitude and constant, “Gracias, Kelsey!“‘s. So, with the help of friends and family, I was able to purchase a bed and an armoire for his family. And today, we delivered them to his house! I cannot fully describe how grateful I am to have the chance to give out of my abundance to this family who gives so much to me, and not from abundance.

God has certainly filled my lonely heart with joy after spending these precious moments with Emerson and his family! We will be visiting another village in Guatemala for the next two days, so we will not return to Chitaburuy until Thursday when we will teach English in the school. Hasta luego!

As our first day working with Loving Arms began, I could barely contain my excitement. With every mile closer to Parramos, that excitement grew. Making our way through the roads and tricky turns from Antigua, I felt like I was returning home after being gone on a long vacation. When we reached the Central Park of Parramos, it hit me that God did not have to bring me here for these next weeks. He could have literally chosen anyone on this planet to take my place here. Only because of his grace and love for me does He allow me to partake in this adventure.

Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” When I really think about the words of this verse, I am completely overwhelmed… God chose me for this adventure. He chose me to stumble over my (lack of) Spanish as I attempt to teach four year olds English. He chose me to step completely out of my comfort zone and into the villages of Guatemala. He chose me to become the “madrina” (godmother, what the sponsored children call their sponsors) of a little boy in the small village of Chitaburuy. And through all of these things, He has chosen to bless me with a life I could have never thought up on my own.

Our day began in the school of Parraxaj. We taught English Lessons to three different age groups. Since it was the first day, it was a day of adjusting to the English proficiency of each age group. The children at Parraxaj are loving and kind. They are eager to learn, and even though I unfortunately cannot understand them, I can tell that they have very distinct personalities. Knowing that most of them may never have the educational opportunities I’ve been given breaks my heart.

After our three short English lessons, we packed 120 bags of food for the distributions that will occur later in the week. Last summer, I had the privilege of participating in a food distribution. It was truly an experience I will never forget, as the children and mothers were so thankful for the simple bag they were given which contained a bag of sugar, two packets of soup, a stick of butter, two different types of noodles, a bag of oats, a protein drink mix, and a few more items.

When all the bags of food were packed, we were able to participate in a task very, very close to my heart. For close to a year now, I have sponsored a little boy in Chitaburuy, Emerson. After working in his school for a week last summer, I fell in love with his sense of humor and his obviously fierce love of life. When I found out at the end of the week that Emerson had no sponsor, God immediately drew me to him. Since then, I have seen him one other time over Christmas, when I had the opportunity to take him a Christmas present, as I was serving for a week in another city in Guatemala.

After my Christmas visit, I knew I needed to give more to this little boy and his family, as he has blessed me so much by his immense gratitude and constant, “Gracias, Kelsey!“‘s. So, with the help of friends and family, I was able to purchase a bed and an armoire for his family. And today, we delivered them to his house! I cannot fully describe how grateful I am to have the chance to give out of my abundance to this family who gives so much to me, and not from abundance.

God has certainly filled my lonely heart with joy after spending these precious moments with Emerson and his family! We will be visiting another village in Guatemala for the next two days, so we will not return to Chitaburuy until Thursday when we will teach English in the school. Hasta luego!

“I have searched to find
The meaning of this life
Something that would fill my empty soul
Some believe a lie to start this over lie?
But I will stand and let the whole world know

I choose Jesus
I choose Jesus
The One who first chose me

I stand unashamed
Trusting in one Name
‘Cause I have seen the cross and I believe
His choice comes at a cost
All other things are lost
No other love could mean so much to me

He choose to love me when I felt unlovable
He choose to reach me when I felt unreachable
He carried me out of my fear and doubt
I want the world to know
I choose Jesus”

“I Choose Jesus” by Moriah Peters

I choose Jesus. A few years ago, I chose Jesus.

But today, I am finally choosing Jesus. Instead of choosing worry, loneliness, or fear, I choose Jesus.

And it isn’t easy. It really isn’t easy to look at the one person who has loved you more and better than anyone else and say that you don’t choose him. It’s hard to bear the anger and the hurt and the obvious pain from the one who would give up anything for you when you tell him you can’t choose him. When you would rather laugh and giggle as he throws you over his shoulder, you have to fight back the tears as you tell him your decision, the one you know is right. And the hardest part of all is to watch him leave, knowing he loves you in a way no other person may ever love you and knowing you love him in the same way.

Today, it is hard to choose Jesus. Because today, Jesus is not calling me to a great adventure in Guatemala or a fun summer at camp. Today, I am being forced to open my hands, to give everything to Him. I am not being encouraged to sacrifice a few minutes in the morning or a couple of months in the summer, I am told to give Him the one who has seen the very best and the absolute worst of me, the one who would do anything to see a smile on my face, my best friend.

Yet, even as I sit here with tears spilling down my face, I understand. No matter how much love I give to or receive from any guy on this earth, I will never be satisfied apart from the One who satisfies my soul.

No, choosing Jesus is not simple. It is not easy. It is not easy to pick up the broken pieces of yourself and attempt to put them back together the way they were originally.

Thankfully, I choose Jesus, the Lover of my soul and the Healer of my heart. And because of His great love for me, I know He will pick up these pieces and put them back together in a more beautiful way.

Even when it hurts, 
Even when it’s hard, 
Even when it all just falls apart, 
I will run to you, 
Cause I know that you are
Lover of my soul, 
Healer of my heart
You steady my heart
You steady my heart

- “Steady my Heart” by Kari Jobe

Tonight, I wish I had the energy to explain all of the emotions welling inside of me. But I simply don’t.

So instead of attempting to explain them all, I’ll focus on one: confusion. I wish I knew what God was teaching me through the multitude of events that have happened this short week, but I don’t. Thankfully, we serve a God who keeps His plans from us until we’re ready to see them. Because I certainly never saw this detour in my future. And if I had, I would have made such different decisions a year ago when I was trying to decide where to attend college. 

And tomorrow, when I want to be crawled up on my little dorm room bed, I will instead be standing in front of 100 women telling my story. When I would rather be crying and eating my weight in half-priced Easter candy, I will tell the stories of my friends in Guatemala and across the world who have seen more pain and loss than I may ever in my entire life see. 

Tomorrow, I will speak on a topic I haven’t even decided upon yet. But I’m sure I will do so with a smile on my face and confidence in my voice, because that’s how it always happens, right? As my closest friends always say, I always keep myself so busy that no one can ever tell when I’m hurting.

But tonight, I have no more energy to be busy. I don’t even have energy to cry another tear. Tonight, in the dirty, cluttered, dorm room I call home, I can only wait on God and stand before Him in silence and wonder, begging Him to speak to me as He has so faithfully done. 

Even when I fail…

Right when I fall short…

As I knowingly break your heart…

In the midst of my unfaithfulness…

While I lie, cheat, and steal…

When my love fails, 

YOUR LOVE NEVER FAILS. 

Higher than the mountains that I face 
Stronger than the power of the grave 
Constant in the trial and the change 
One thing… Remains 

On and on and on and on it goes 
It overwhelms and satisfies my soul 

And I never, ever, have to be afraid 
One thing remains 

Your love never fails, never gives up 
Never runs out on me 

In death, In life, I’m confident and 
covered by, the power of Your great love 
My debt is paid, there’s nothing that 
Can separate my heart from Your great love

Yet, even though I know this and believe that His love will never run out on me, I can’t help but feel as though my Creator is disappointed in me. And that feeling, more than any other I’ve ever felt, makes my sick at myself. 

But today, as I cling to these words and the truth found in 2 Corinthians 5:14-15 (“For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again”), I worry that I have tried so hard to please a God who will never be pleased by the things I can do.

I must learn to trust in my Substitute- the One who took my place on the cross.